If you’ve ever gotten (ahem) really, really close to your apparatus (“that fabric owes me dinner!”), or encountered a surprise steel bar where you’re pretty sure it ought not be, today’s post will be near and dear to your… heart. Also? Let’s see how many euphemisms we can come up with for lady parts!
First, circus has nothing on 50 Shades of Gray. I can attest to being 50 shades of purple, blue, red, and yellow, and I didn’t even get a private helicopter out of the deal. Those bruises, abrasions, and ouchies aren’t limited to polite places like arms and legs – oh no. Your dewy nether-regions are fair game! So, let’s dive face-first into the wonderful world of Aerial Gynecology!
What Could Go Wrong?
Circus means doing some crazy sh*t with some wild apparatus. A number of moves will involve fabric, rope, or a metal bar sitting veeeery close to your passion purse. These sensitive membranes should be treated with an extra helping of respect and protection! This list is by no means exhaustive, but here are a few things you may encounter on a semi-regular basis. Unless you want to totally ruin your weekend, it helps to be prepared.
- Labial abrasions – if you’ve ever had one, you neeeeeever want another! A labial abrasion is a small abrasion, sore, burn, or scratch on the outer labia caused by friction or tugging by the apparatus. This can be outside on the furry bits, or (way worse) inside on the mucous membrane. (** Not labial, but I’m lumping it in here anyway: a common spot for small skin fissures or abrasions is right at the top of your butt crack. See atomic wedgie below.)
- Bruising/soreness on the vulva or inner thighs – exactly what it sounds like.
- Yeast infections – you + sweaty leotard for several hours a day = Monistat
- Bladder infections – nope nope nope. Just so unpleasant.
- Atomic wedgies – these are often hilarious for your classmates, but not so fun for you. Especially if you get an abrasion or soreness from it.
General Care and Protection of Your Twinkle
To keep your hoo-hoo happy (that one’s for you, Bobby Hedglin), keep the following in mind.
- Exercise an extra bit of care when positioning apparatus near your intimate folds. There’s a sweet spot (no, not that one) you want to aim for between the vulva and the inner thigh, which accommodates many moves. You can also squeeze your butt cheeks nice and tight to create a natural “no-go zone” of protection against atomic wedgies.
- Coconut oil or another unscented, very plain oil can be really useful in easing the discomfort of skin splits or abrasions. Remember – no scented stuff near your delicate flower.
- If you’re prone to yeast infections, you have a lot of options. First, get it diagnosed and treated STAT. For prevention, what works for one woman may not work for another. Hit the basics, like making sure your under-britches are 100% cotton, and that you’re not hanging out in a sweaty crotch situation a minute longer than necessary – even if that means changing training clothes mid-day. If that doesn’t work, have a look at your diet (google anti-candida diet), your birth control (certain pills, spermicides, and lube can upset the balance of flora or pH in the vagina), and your partner (especially if he’s uncircumcised, he may be passing candida back to you). Ain’t yeast a party?
- Don’t douche or spray it with stuff – you will make your love canyon unhappy. It’s self cleaning, and an irritated pleasure garden doesn’t mix well with aerial work (or anything else, for that matter).
- If you find yourself getting fun vaginal or bladder infections frequently, your first order of business is to ditch your
bacterial super-highwaythong. I don’t love thongs for day-to-day aerial work (give to me ALL the granny panties!!!!). That said, if you love ’em, go nutz! But if infections set in, it’s a place to start.
- Don’t wax on aerial day. Your first full Brazilian should not correspond with your first lyra class.
In closing, do everything you can to keep your snatch sassy and happy. Have a GREAT Valentine’s Day, and I love love love you guys!!!!! Love and pull-ups, Laura
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