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The REAL V-Day – Taking Care of Your Lady Bits in Aerial Circus

Baby Janes Quad trapYour Furry Fun Patch and the Aerial World: A Primer

If you’ve ever gotten (ahem) really, really close to your apparatus (“that fabric owes me dinner!”), or encountered a surprise steel bar where you’re pretty sure it ought not be, today’s post will be near and dear to your… heart. Also? Let’s see how many euphemisms we can come up with for lady parts!

First, circus has nothing on 50 Shades of Gray. I can attest to being 50 shades of purple, blue, red, and yellow, and I didn’t even get a private helicopter out of the deal. Those bruises, abrasions, and ouchies aren’t limited to polite places like arms and legs – oh no. Your dewy nether-regions are fair game! So, let’s dive face-first into the wonderful world of Aerial Gynecology!

What Could Go Wrong?

Circus means doing some crazy sh*t with some wild apparatus. A number of moves will involve fabric, rope, or a metal bar sitting veeeery close to your passion purse. These sensitive membranes should be treated with an extra helping of respect and protection! This list is by no means exhaustive, but here are a few things you may encounter on a semi-regular basis. Unless you want to totally ruin your weekend, it helps to be prepared.

  • Labial abrasions – if you’ve ever had one, you neeeeeever want another! A labial abrasion is a small abrasion, sore, burn, or scratch on the outer labia caused by friction or tugging by the apparatus. This can be outside on the furry bits, or (way worse) inside on the mucous membrane. (** Not labial, but I’m lumping it in here anyway: a common spot for small skin fissures or abrasions is right at the top of your butt crack. See atomic wedgie below.)
  • Bruising/soreness on the vulva or inner thighs – exactly what it sounds like.
  • Yeast infections – you + sweaty leotard for several hours a day = Monistat
  • Bladder infections – nope nope nope. Just so unpleasant.
  • Atomic wedgies – these are often hilarious for your classmates, but not so fun for you. Especially if you get an abrasion or soreness from it.


General Care and Protection of Your Twinkle

To keep your hoo-hoo happy (that one’s for you, Bobby Hedglin), keep the following in mind.

  1. Exercise an extra bit of care when positioning apparatus near your intimate folds. There’s a sweet spot (no, not that one) you want to aim for between the vulva and the inner thigh, which accommodates many moves. You can also squeeze your butt cheeks nice and tight to create a natural “no-go zone” of protection against atomic wedgies.
  2. Coconut oil or another unscented, very plain oil can be really useful in easing the discomfort of skin splits or abrasions. Remember – no scented stuff near your delicate flower.
  3. If you’re prone to yeast infections, you have a lot of options. First, get it diagnosed and treated STAT. For prevention, what works for one woman may not work for another. Hit the basics, like making sure your under-britches are 100% cotton, and that you’re not hanging out in a sweaty crotch situation a minute longer than necessary – even if that means changing training clothes mid-day. If that doesn’t work, have a look at your diet (google anti-candida diet), your birth control (certain pills, spermicides, and lube can upset the balance of flora or pH in the vagina), and your partner (especially if he’s uncircumcised, he may be passing candida back to you). Ain’t yeast a party?
  4. Don’t douche or spray it with stuff – you will make your love canyon unhappy. It’s self cleaning, and an irritated pleasure garden doesn’t mix well with aerial work (or anything else, for that matter).
  5. If you find yourself getting fun vaginal or bladder infections frequently, your first order of business is to ditch your bacterial super-highway thong. I don’t love thongs for day-to-day aerial work (give to me ALL the granny panties!!!!). That said, if you love ’em, go nutz! But if infections set in, it’s a place to start.
  6. Don’t wax on aerial day. Your first full Brazilian should not correspond with your first lyra class.


In closing, do everything you can to keep your snatch sassy and happy. Have a GREAT Valentine’s Day, and I love love love you guys!!!!! Love and pull-ups, Laura

As always, if you like this post, share it on your blog, the F-books, Twitter, and wherever else you crazy kids are sharing things these days.


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7 comments on “The REAL V-Day – Taking Care of Your Lady Bits in Aerial Circus”

  1. Laura Reply

    Favorite: “passion purse” While on this topic, I wonder if anyone has seen any connection between aerial silks and endometriosis, or similar female issues. It may just be because during my aerial career I’ve gotten to know more women than I ever had, but I’ve heard from a lot of aerialists with these issues – and it just makes me wonder with all of the twisting and wrapping and turning, if that jostles things up and could cause issues. It’s a stretch, but just wanted to put my theory out there! Another issue possibly related: tightening of the pelvic floor muscles causing pain – so much so, that physical therapy has been required! That may just be any type of movement where you are forced to stay tight with muscles engaged.

    • Anita Reply

      Endometriosis is congenital. Its established at birth, but doesnt present itself untill later in life, most often puberty, or when trying to get pregnant.

  2. Daffodil Reply

    Thank you, I was just about to write in with a question on this topic!

    Erm, does anyone have issues with hair getting yanked? Do y’all find shaving your bikini line to be necessary or helpful? What about clothing with elastic around the thigh, like leotards and granny panties – do you find that helpful? To be avoided? Indifferent?

  3. Donald Beasley, Jr. Reply

    Ms.Witwer(or, as you allowed me to call you, Laura), this article gives me more respect for what it takes to become and remain a circus. Thanks to you, Angela, and other female aerialists for taking one for the team.

  4. Jessica Reply

    I just started and I got a, uh, burn….on my lips….any advice on how to keep that from happening again? I seriously looked for like, padded undies or something.

    • Lewitwer Reply

      Oh – ow ow ow! My sympathies to your lady parts! It’s pretty move specific. Let your coach know that you’re dealing with intimate burns, have them give you a warning when there’s burn-y stuff ahead, and how best to avoid it. It’s happened to me too! 🙁

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