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Phony Tails, Spanx, and Glitter – Essential Pieces for Faux-Fabulous Performing

I write this to you from a gig, Dear Danglers, where I am minutes away from spackling on my makeup, squeezing myself into my Spanx, and gluing my lids together as I apply my lashes. Now, do you NEED all of this? Maybe, maybe not – depends on the show and your personal performing preferences. But, for today’s chat, let’s look at some of the things you may want to have in your bag-o-tricks for your average event.

  • Phony-tail . Does your hair explode into a glorious Brillo pad at the first sign of humidity? Are your locks looking a hair limp (HA!)? Enter the phony-tail! Fake pony tails or hair pieces that fit over your bun & can take you from zero to glam in the time it takes you to stab yourself in the head with a few bobby pins. Worth a look if your hair needs help or if you just don’t want to deal with it. Also? Hairspray – it can double as rosin in a pinch.
  • A wide assortment of flesh-colored seamless undergarments. Thongs, Spanx (body smoothers), over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, tights, etc.
  • Makeup! We use Ben Nye color wheels a lot, as well as cheap red lipstick (is there any other kind?), false lashes, GLITTER GLITTER GLITTER, black eyeliner, and loose translucent powder to adhere the whole mess to your face. Don’t forget the baby wipes to take it all off.
  • An emergency bag with thread and needles (black & white), bandaids, small scissors, bobby pins, Nu-Skin liquid bandage, safety pins, duct tape, ibuprofen, etc.
  • A good bodice-ripper (trashy novel), magazine, or other reading material that doesn’t require too much concentration.
  • A hoodie and layers of warm up clothes – those ballrooms get CHILLY.
  • Snacks and Red Bull water – you never know what you’ll get at these things.

That’s a good starting place, and you’ll add things to the list as you get a few seasons of performing under your belt. Pros – what have you found to be really helpful in going from zero to drag queen? Is there anything you can’t do a show without? Leave your answers in the comments below! Love and pull-ups, Laura

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4 comments on “Phony Tails, Spanx, and Glitter – Essential Pieces for Faux-Fabulous Performing”

  1. Susie Reply

    I always pack a cheap towel (to stretch on in case the floors are dirty), flip flops/slip-on shoes (to wear to and from the stage) and baby wipes in case the bottom of my feet get dirty (which happens when you are barefoot and there is rosin/hairspray around). But in the end, the only things I really can’t work without are my equipment and my phony-tail!

    • Lewitwer Reply

      Ugh – did a gig tonight and forgot my baby wipes for feet. Looks like I’ve been walking over coals! 😉

  2. Amber Monson Reply

    Love your blogs! I bring a gypsie bag with me to shows, cause you never know when it’s going to be useful.

    1) 2 pairs of nude stockings or body stockings. Your only pair will undoubtedly have or get a big rip in it! Clear nail polish will stop smaller rips.
    2) Heels and a slip on little black dress. Inevitably I’ll need to walk through the crowd, and you don’t wanna give away your costume or stay in costume
    3) A yoga mat
    4) Protien bar and an all natural energy drink, plus water
    5) Extra biners and webbing
    6) Make-up and hair kits
    7) IPad + charger so I can get work done
    8) Headphones to review music
    9) Business cards
    10) First aid pack

    • Lewitwer Reply

      LOVE the black dress idea – it’s always a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle awkward shuffling through the crowd in neon spandex! 😉

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